Why does a size 8 dress cost the same as a size 18 dress? the problem with obesity is that theres always an easy way out, and not enough incentive to lose weight- a fat person gets fatter, becomes more insecure, stays in the house more and more, gets fatter and fatter and more depressed, then eventually, through the increased visits to the doctor about fat related problems are forced to go to the hospital, they end up with a free operation to cut the size of their stomach, or pills that make them lose weight but stopping the body from absorbing the fat until it dribbles out their ass or makes them sick if they eat too much. what is hard about that? nothing! its so easy that it is the better alternative to go on that bike ride, or eat a salad every now and then. if there is one thing that is going to encourage a fat person to lose weight its the humiliation of having to spend twice as much on clothing and underwear than their fellow human beings of the average weight. it works better at every angle you look at it- they will have to spend so much extra on clothes they wont have enough for food, those size 14 jeans at the back of the cupboard will look more appealing, and in this day and age nobody wants to pay extra for anything, and it shouldnt be discreet, the government have poured millions into the obesity pandemic drama and everybody knows its got to stop but there is no change so far and now they are telling us that when our childrens children are born over half will be obese? well, not if its guna cost me double to buy their school uniform every term, hell no. people should be embarrassed that they are fat!

No brain no music

Why is it that whenever somebody asks me what music I like, my head goes completely blank and I can't remember a single song, artist or even genre of music that i remotely like- I end up dithering and umm-ing like an idiot to save time until I say the first thing that comes into my head and its usually the spice girls or craig david.

5 has come ALIVE

I used to think that channel 5 was shit in my younger years, the screen was always fuzzy and I was never bothered when there was no signal reception. TIMES HAVE-A-CHANGED channel 5 now kicks all the other terrestial channels asses (is this the right plural for ass??) including channel 4, which used to be my number one fave. Desperate Housewives, Skins, Hollyoaks, Shameless, Come Dine With Me, various Theroux documentaries and quiz shows involving David Mitchell will all have a lifelong place in my heart, but right now, my unemployed status determines what I watch on TV and when, and I just can't get enough satisfaction and ultimate eyeball pleasure from channel 5- Im not going to list my daily array of favourite programmes (as there are just too many and it'd be less boring by just naming the ones I don't watch) but C.S.I. I.S. T.H.E. B.E.S.T.

'We spend 5-7 years of our lives dreaming..'

I was just cleaning out all the useless shit in my room and I came across a 'Little Book of Dreams' and I thought to myself, 'ah, I'll put that by my bedside and when I wake up in the mornings or in the middle of the night, I can quickly grab my dream book and find out their meaning' but then I thought, 'what the hell am I thinking?' what a croque of shit! It is now in the bin.

Virgin

I think Virgin Trains should go fuck themselves. I think if they used the bloody extra £40 a year they make from putting the prices up on the trains that I use and spent it on somebody who can actually make a website that actually fucking worked and didn't crash whenever you press enter then I might actually be happy with that but where is it all going? Its certainly not going on a train driver who can get to all the stops for the time its scheduled to, or on the 'helpful, friendly staff' who can't even be arsed to come around and acknowledge my ticket I've so reluctantly paid for. Also, I think that if your guna have a 'quiet zone' and ban mobile phones, talking and stereos, then why aren't babies and small children banned? Obviously, nobody wants to be the one who discriminates against the little shits but quiet they are not. They make loads of noise and they have no self control or volume control whatsoever, they would be the first thing I would ban. Im not a kiddie-hater but there are times when you just need an escape from the snot and juice cartons and cry/screaming and kicking my chair. Please pass this message onto Richard.

Things to do before I die

A recently found list written when I was 12 1/2 years old

• own a bubble machine
• parachute from a plane
• go to a rock concert
• have my belly button pierced
• stay awake for 24 hours
• own a vibrator
• design and wear own clothes
• have a day of moodyness
• own a YSL Touche Eclat concealer
• go on a shopping spree and spend over £100
• dye my hair pink
• walk around town for a whole day only talking french
• walk around town for a whole day only talking german
• stalk somebody
• have a day of fasting
• go to a gay night club
• be a tramp for 24 hours
• go to a Wolves match
• have a one night stand
• snog a girl
• buy a buddha
• turn to Sex and the City and Cosmopolitian magazine for advice
• go to university
• smoke a pack of menthol cigarettes
• sleep with your boss
• streak
• have professional nail extensions
• own a Karma Sutra
• buy a copper bracelet
• be on TV
• have a gangbang
• go to Hong Kong and Tokyo
• say Ciao and TTFN after 10 conversations
• go waterskiing
• visit America and go tornado/hurricane hunting
• touch a pyramid
• go in a hot air balloon
• raise a significant amount of money for a charity
• meet Mickey Mouse & Tigger
• snog more than 20 people in one night
• own the Lord Of The Rings complete video set

These were things that were honestly important to me when I was in year 8, as you can see, I was pretty interested in sex and all things sex-related, I blame the magazines. They're worse now, but back in 2002 that one problem page at the back of my Mizz or Cosmo-girl used to be my favourite page. Im not even entirely sure that I know what a gangbang is now, so i definately didn't know what one was then. I suppose the 12 and a 1/2 year old me would be proud that at the age of 21, I have done over half the things on this list. I think its good to write things like this down, because even though I am slightly embarrassed over a few of the points, I am amused to read these promises to myself that I was certain I'd never forget. Im glad my parents never found this list during my adolescent years or Im sure my life would have been very different!